“Being wanted feeds the ego. Being valued feeds the soul.”
I don’t know if someone famous or important said this. I saw it on Facebook today and it just rang so true for me today.
It can apply to so many things. Friendships. Romantic relationships. Jobs. And all the stuff in between. And knowing whether you are valued or just wanted for whatever benefits you happen to bring to the table makes a big difference in how you see those relationships.
I have plenty of friends that I know want me in their lives. Because I listen. Because I help them when they need a hand with whatever (kids, moving, etc.). But the ones that truly value my friendship are few. I need less than one hand to count them. And I know that they value our friendship because when I’m with them or talking to them, they feed my soul. They make me feel good about myself and about us.
How Do You Know?
How do you know the difference between a person or business that wants you versus one that values you?
A person who WANTS you will call/message you often but only if it is convenient for them.
A person who VALUES you will make a point of contacting you even when they are busy just to let you know that they are thinking of you.
A person who WANTS you will see you in person when they have time.
A person who VALUES you will see you even if they don’t have much time. Just because being with you is a good thing to them.
A person who WANTS you will have specific needs for the time you spend together.
A person who VALUES you will spend time with you doing nothing.
A person who WANTS you will tell you that you need to call back later for whatever reason — no matter how much you need them.
A person who VALUES you will stop what they are doing when you truly need them.
A person who WANTS you will take whatever they can get from you.
A person who VALUES you doesn’t need to take all the time but will give back.
I had certain perceptions of a couple relationships that I have in my life right now. But just writing this…I’ve realized that the people I thought valued me really just want me in their lives for what I add to the relationships.
I have had a marriage where I was valued. I know what that feels like. I’m not settling for anything less. Not in the long term.
I’ve just realized how incredibly temporary some of the relationships in my life really are.