It’s been almost a month since my husband passed away and people keep telling me, “You’re so strong!”
Why? I’m no different than everyone else.
Do they think I’m strong because I don’t cry every time someone mentions his name? I’ve never been a public crier. I’ve saved my tears for when I was alone. Not because I’m strong. It’s just the way I am. The only person who has seen me cry often was my husband. But even with him, I only really cried when I was totally frustrated and out of control and didn’t know what else to do.
Do they think I am strong because I am back at work, laughing with co-workers and customers? That doesn’t mean anything. I’m the entertainer. I want my customers to feel good after they’ve had their meal and gone on with their day. They don’t need to hear me cry.
Do they think I’m strong because I’m making plans for my future? It’s what I do. It’s what we did. We made plans. We talked about where we might go or what kind of house we’d want to buy when we had the money. So, I still make plans because I know that is what he would want me to do.
I’m Still Sad
Just because I’m not showing my grief doesn’t mean I’m not still sad. I miss him every single day. Of course. I’m human. I lost my best friend. The person that I went to for — everything.
I’m learning that everyone grieves differently. I’m grieving in my own way. My way. Our way. The way he would want me to. And that’s just fine.